Monday, March 31, 2008

My Mother's Birthday

On Friday, my mother had a birthday.

Is it trite and a cliche to say how much I miss her?

My mother and I go way back, really it's like I've known her all my life. We have had difficult times, the two of us. I used to be so angry with her all the time.

But now, being at this point in my life and in this place, I have to say, it was all me. Any words we've ever had were because of me and my lack of appreciation for her sacrifices and for her love.

And I feel terrible about it.

I've mellowed considerably over the past decade. If the anger is still there, it has gone to a place where it rarely comes out.

My mother left her parents when she was all of 22 years old. I know she was extremely close to my grandmother. How she must have missed her. She emigrated to America at a time when there was no skype, no internet, and flying was rare. All she had were those fold-up blue airmail envelopes, where she would scrawl letters to her mother in Spanish. And her handwriting is indelibly etched in my mind. Several weeks ago when I received something from her by mail, just seeing that handwriting sent me to my room for several minutes so I could regain my composure.

I know I am blessed to have her in my life. I have a few close girlfriends who lost their mothers to early and I know they always feel that loss. Even though she is far, I constantly feel her love, and I am so happy that our relationship gets better and better.

May G-d grant me many, many more years of opportunities to repair the damage I did...



Anonymous said...

Yom huledet sameach to your emah, may you both celebrate many more together. Again, Baila you brought a tear to my eye. At least you learned to appreciate her now while she is still around. I hope you have told her how you feel, to a mother that is priceless.

Baila said...


Your phone number at work, please!

Batya said...

Lovely post.