Thursday, March 15, 2012

On twenty years

I'm kinda rusty with the writing thing, so please bear with me.

On Shabbat, Isaac and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary.

I've been thinking about this milestone. Alot. I have so much I want to say churning inside of me, and I'm not sure I can express it properly. At least in a way that is private, and graceful.

Truth is, I've been thinking about how I'm going to wish Isaac a happy anniversary on Facebook, that place I abandoned this blog for. Last year I wished him a Happy St. Patrick's day. I thought about going down the "you are the love of my life, my best friend" route, but that just doesn't cut it.

In twenty years of living with someone day-in-day-out you get to see the good, the bad and yes, the ugly. I could tell you all that Isaac and I have the most wonderful, harmonious relationship and that we cherish each other every single moment. I could announce to the world how happy the last twenty years have been and how I am so grateful to have found my soulmate.

The thing is, I wouldn't be being completely honest with you. Or with myself.

I'm not gonna lie; in twenty years of marriage, some of the arguments have been doozies. We are a couple that cheerfully ignores the classic, stupid marital advice of never going to bed angry with each other. We need time to resolve issues, and sometimes issues are just not resolved and come back at a later time to rear their ugly heads. When we have those issues, I have a tendency to think about how he behaved, but the truth is I share responsibility here as well. Both of us know what buttons to push and on bad days enjoy pushing those buttons.

To much information? I'm trying to be honest here about what twenty years of marriage is like. At least my twenty years.

And honestly, it's not always easy. I think Isaac would agree.

And yet here we are. Together. Intact. There are bumps and bruises to be sure. And maybe even some scars. But we're together.

The thing is, I know I married a really good man. No, he doesn't complete household projects that I've asked him to. Yes, he has a tendency to crack his sunflower seeds really loudly. Still, Isaac and I are a team. Sometimes the team works great together and sometimes we could really use some improving (and corporate sponsors!). But he's 50% of my team. Without him, my team doesn't exist. And I like my team. I root for it. I hope it is victorious.

And dare I say I'm really grateful and proud to have found my soul teammate.