Do you know where your teens are?

I'm at work. My kids are not, because they have been off since Erev Yom Kippur. That's right, until the end of the Sukkot holiday. Isaac and I haul ourselves off to work and leave the beauties slumbering away. Doesn't seem very fair, does it?

It's about 12:30 PM. My cell phone rings. Ahh. I think to myself, one of the beauties has awakened:

Tali: Mommy, what are we having for dinner tonight?

Me: I dunno. (suspiciously) Why?

Tali: Can I eat Burger King?

Me: Burger King? Where are you?

Tali: I'm at the mall.

Me: The mall? There's no Burger King at the mall. You mean McDonald's (which just became kosher in Modi'in).

Tali: No, I mean Burger King.

Me: But--

Tali: I'm not at the Modi'in Mall, I'm at the Azrielli Mall in Tel-Aviv.

Me: Excuse me? Who are you with?

Tali: I'm with [my friend] Monica and Liat and Talya [Liat's friend].

Me: Noone asked me about [getting on a train and] going to Tel-Aviv.

Tali: I thought Liat told you.

Me: (somewhat annoyed) No, she didn't.

Tali: Oh......well, can I?

Me: Can you what?

Tali: Eat Burger King.

Me: If you are old enough to find yourself in a mall in Tel-Aviv, I think you're probably old enough to figure out what to eat. I'll see you later.

About 30 seconds later my phone rings again.

Me: Hi Liat.

Liat: Hi mommy.

Me: You failed to mention your little excursion to Tel-Aviv.

Liat: ממש שכחתי. I totally forgot. I'm really sorry.

Me: I just like to be informed, Liat, of where your adventures are taking place.

Liat: I know. I'm sorry. It was a very spontaneous thing. You would have let me go, right?

Me: Yeah, but usually it works like this: The kid calls the mom and ASKS, very politely.

Liat: It won't happen again, I promise. Can we see a movie?

Me: (dumbfoundedly)which one?

Liat: (pause) Uhm. It's called The Hangover.

Me: (laughing) I don't think so.

Liat: What if Talya's mother says yes?

Me: Then Talya can see the movie. Do you know what it's rated?

Liat: No. Maybe R.

Me: Yeah, well.

Liat: Okay, mommy. I love you.

Me: Me too. See you soon.

Gotta love life with teens.

Have an easy fast

We squeezed in Tashlich today, and hopefully cast away our sins. We've been missing the beach; hopefully we'll get to go back next week when we're all on vacation.



Wishing all those fasting an easy one.

I'm leaving you with a video of Netanyahu talking to an Israeli reporter after his speech at the UN. The reporter asked him if he thought that by mentioning Ahmanijad's holocaust denial, he was giving it credence. Here is Netanyahu's response.



Bibi said it; I have nothing to add.

Wishing you all the best.

Eureka!! We just got our water bill

Remember this post where I freaked out when I heard about the new water tax? We were way over the average alloted consumption of water. The new water tax would have a huge impact on our bi-monthly bill.

After instituting several water-saving measures, I've been waiting impatiently for the water bill to arrive. Here in Israel bills don't necessarily arrive at expected times. They kind of appear randomly to the point where I ask neighbors and friends, "Have you heard from the water/electric/gas company lately?" It's really annoying, but my bank account and I just try to go with the flow.

Today, when I arrived home, there was the bill, in all its blue and green glory. You know that feeling you get about a test you know you just aced? That's how I felt about our water bill. And boy did Casa Baila ace this one: the bill was about 30% less than our last bill! This is for the summer months of July and August when water usage is at its highest and when the new water tax was institued.

Here's how we did it:

1. I never do laundry anymore.
2. I never wash dishes anymore.
3. We never flush the toilets anymore.

Just kidding!! Here's how we really did it:

1. In the shower the water runs only for soaping up and rinsing off.
2. Same goes for dishes and teeth brushing. Water only runs when necessary.
3. I'm much more selective about laundry. If it doesn't smell and its not stained, it doesn't get washed. I will not run a load that is not full. Period.
4. Sprinklers and irrigation drip system for the gardern (which is huge by Israeli standards, with lots of trees and plants) have been set up for minimum maintenance. And the grass looks okay and we're about to get a ton of lemons off that tree.

As you can tell, I'm pleased as punch with this development. I'm feeling quite virtuous that I'm doing alot more to save the Kineret, although it did require blackmail by the Israeli Government for me to do so.

If only the electric bill (with all that air conditioning) would look so good.

FLAT

Some people think I lead a very exotic and glamorous life here in the Middle East.

It's true.

Last night, I was invited to attend a movie premiere.

Alas, Brad and Angelina sent their regrets. To bad for them, they really missed out.

You see, I have a very talented friend. Nitsana and I go waay-waay back. I knew her in my college/Bnei Akiva youth group days. At the time she was an aspiring actress. She moved to Israel many moons ago and we sort of lost touch. But I contacted her when we moved here.

That was right about the time that Nitsana was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She went about the business of getting treatment and beating this disease with the grace of--the tens and hundreds and thousands of women we all collectively know who fight this disease every single day of the year.

Nitsana, never one to sit on her laurels, used her energy to direct and produce a movie short called FLAT. She invited me to see the premiere of the movie and I was glad I was able to go. Nitsana and I are very different; she is artistic and single and lives in Tel-Aviv (her life really does seem glamorous). The premiere was held at a hip pub and attending for me, was stepping out of my box. After I saw the 4 1/2 minute movie, I was so stunned that I couldn't even applaud. It was so unexpected, even shocking.

But it made a profound statement about the way we lead our lives.

I'm going to tell you all that the movie has nudity. Remember, it is a movie inspired by Nitsana's battle with breast cancer. If you think that will offend you, well, you've been warned.

The film was selected to be part of the finals for an international competition in Toronto as the only Israeli film. All the films entered are by or about survivors of Breast Cancer. The winner will be determined by online voting.

You can visit the site to see the film – and if you like it, vote for it. Voting is really easy and you can vote up to three times. You can also send the link to your facebook, twitter and e-mail friends. I'd love to see Nitsana win. You can see the film and vote here. FLAT is on the top right corner.

And while we're on the subject, I've just scheduled my annual mammogram at Machon Hala. Have you scheduled yours (or made sure your wife, mother, sister scheduled hers)?

Dippin' the apple in the honey (yuck)

I hate honey. Really. It makes me gag. I used to force myself to eat the apple with the honey because I was scared I wouldn't have a sweet year if I didn't. Now I just eat an enjoyable, crunchy apple and pray for an enjoyable, crunchy year.

The radio station I listen to has been advertising its upcoming "Top 100 of 5769" show and wondering who will be chosen "Person of the Year".

The supermarkets are packed anytime of the day and night.

If you need to get something important done (like finding a job), may as well try to relax, it ain't happening until "acharei hachagim"--after the holidays.

At work, if you're lucky, you'll get a bonus. If not, you'll likely have an end-of-year party. (I had one at work today. Our principal asked all of us to write down our new year wishes for the school and then read them all out loud. I'm happy to say I participated in this Hebrew writing exercise and was even complimented. Maybe I should start a blog in Hebrew.) And, no, there wasn't any bonus.

I appreciate all of this. This country works on my schedule, according to the rhthym of my clock. It feels nice that the entire country, religious or not, will be celebrating together.

Here's my favorite unhealthy drink, Diet Coke, personally wishing me a Happy Holiday:



I have so many prayers and wishes for this New Year, 5770, תש"ע.

May it be the year that Gilad is freed.

May it be a year where no Israeli soldier has to make the ultimate sacrifice so that we can live free.

May it be a year where no Israeli citizen is attacked.

May it be a year where the world recognizes our right to exist in this land as a free nation.

May it be a year where our leaders are strong enough to assert that right even if the world doesn't come to that realization.

May it be a year of health and prosperity.

May it be a year of joy and family.

May it be a year of new friends and old.

May it be a year of peace.

May it be a year of gratitude to G-d for all His blessings.

Shana Tova.

Hitting my forehead with the palm of my hand (you know, like the old "Coulda had a V8" commercial)

Well, it seems I goofed on my previous post. Alot. No excuses. (Okay, one: I don't sleep enough. And I blame that on you guys with all your interesting posts and comments and tweets and stuff).

So in the spirit of the upcoming holiday (the whole forgiveness thing), please accept my apologies:

1. Haveil Havalim is up at Reform Shuckle, not "chuckle" as I dumbly wrote.

2. Contrary to my previous post, Sandman does not post at Ruti's blog.

3. I really feel bad that I didn't mention Bad4Shidduchim as one of the bloggers I met at the convention. She did a great job writing about her experience. We spent a good part of the time discussing thermodynamics (betcha didn't realize how much I know about that topic). It was hard to be bitter and resentful that she won and I didn't when talking to such a nice person.

If there is anyone else I need to apologize to, please let me know before Rosh Hashannah.

Second J-Blogger's Convention

I got into the elevator to go to the first workshop. A man steps in behind me and shouts "I'll Call Baila???!" My big, fat head thinks, "I'm famous!" until I realize that he was reading the words that were sprawled across my chest on the sticker graciously provided by NBN.

Still, I had a ball.

I hitched a ride with One Tired Ema. (She really is tired. I tried to comfort her, but I think saying, with a big sigh, "Just wait 'til they're teenagers" wasn't all that helpful).

Truth is, I didn't exactly learn anything from the convention. The organizers have their agenda and that's fine, especially since I'm on their side. They organized a great event at a beautiful venue (Beit AviChai--I really enjoyed that photo exhibit, did you?), with good food, all for 50 shekel. I have no need to be snarky or cynical.

Only thing is, I wanted more socializing time. I wanted to talk to bloggers I have already befriended and to meet new ones. Not enough time.

Second thing is, I'd like to see some of the smaller bloggers represented. You know, the regular Joe who doesn't necessarily reach or try to reach thousands. Just sayin'.

Over at RivkA's blog, a bunch of us are talking about a more informal gathering (no sponsors, no agendas, just a bunch of fun people hanging out). Stay tuned for details if that does indeed come together. It was good to see RivkA in person.

I forgot to bring my camera this year, durnit, so I can't post pictures, like I did last year; but the convention was fun because these great bloggers showed up:

West Bank Mama, who was to shy to say hello last year. Did you know all her kids are boys? And all of mine are girls. Hmmm.

Mom. Now why wasn't she on a panel?

I saw Batya, but didn't get a chance to say hello. She looks amazing. (See I told you we needed more socializing time!)

Jameel presented, trying desperately to hold on to his anonymity. At least he didn't wear that smiley face thing; it's really doofy.

Gila, who helped me accost Dudi Stark of NBN so we can get interviews.

Ruti. I love your blog title (but you see Dave's point, right?)

Sandman--you see there really wasn't enough time for socializing.

Dave "the-delete-key-is-your-friend" Treppenwitz.

Risa, a blog I am just getting to know.

It was great talking to Pnina, another person crazy enough (didn't you say that to me once, Ruti?) to make Aliyah with teenagers.

And of course, the star of the day, Benji, who was great. Go check out his new Rosh Hashannah video here.

For photos of the convention, see Jacob Richman's site. (And SZ, I'm not going to caption 6,000 photos).

Haveil Havalim is up The Reform Shuckle.

Here's looking forward to the third convention....