Getting personal....or not

I often think about what the function of this blog is. It started off as an Aliyah blog, a-dime-a-dozen, I know, and as a way to keep in touch with friends and family in the states. It's evolved, I think and now I believe it to be more of a place where I "shmooze", much of the time about my experiences as a new oleh. It's not exactly a journal. I've been keeping a handwritten journal since 1981. Actually, Mrs. Brandwein, my 12th grade English teacher had us keep a journal; I wished I'd kept those essays, although they could not have been very personal knowing that Mrs. B. was reading them.

I still keep a journal, but I rarely write in it. I suppose blogging has replaced that need. I've noticed that I do write in the journal everytime I have an arguement with Isaac. (Anyone reading the journal would think my marriage is in trouble or that I was deeply depressed, but if you look at the dates, you'll note the entries are few and far between).

Although blogging is a form of journaling, it's obviously not the same. I am not anonymous and therefore don't feel always comfortable expressing what I feel. I have a responsibility to respect my family's privacy. I do mention them and their antics, but usually in a humorous way. Yet I do think the blog loses something by not putting myself out there. So I try to find a balance, to make this place uniquely mine, a place where I can talk to you as if we were indeed "shmoozing". Much of the time it's lighthearted, because that's the way I am much of the time. But there are times when it just can't be.

My nephew Gavi, who has been competing in the Macabiah, has been hospitalized for Bacterial Meningitis. Thank G-d, he has been responding to anti-biotics, but he's pretty sick and of course we are all worried about him. We have been (really, Isaac and his sister) at his side throughout this ordeal and Gavi's mother just arrived from Venezuela.

When Isaac was called that Gavi was being rushed to the hospital, he rushed up to Haifa to be with him. At first we thought it was a case of the dreaded Swine Flu. When Isaac told me that Gavi was complaining of neck pain, I immediately asked if they were going to do a spinal tap to test for meningitis, but the doctors didn't think ,he was displaying the right symptons. A few hours later they changed their minds, did the procedure and came up with the diagnosis.

Now I have that pit in my stomach. Worried about Gavi, and selfishly worried that my own kids have been exposed. Liat had a weird bacterial thing before we made Aliyah that lead to ARDS and hospitalized her for seven weeks. This, a year after her recovery from Hodgkin's Disease. Two years later, I worry about her immune system, although follow-up visits to the doctor tell us she is fine, [TG-BAH].

I feel guilty that I'm worried about Liat when Gavi is so sick. I feel guilty that I am not as worried about Tali and Orli. I know I'm not being rational. Tali and Orli were the ones who had contact with Gavi as Liat was in camp when he came for Shabbat. And the disease is only contagious through exchange of fluid. At the hospital, visitors are told to put on masks only if they are coming close to Gavi, in case he sneezes or coughs. You can't get the disease by breathing the same air. Still the pit is there.

And the question: should I be sharing this? You may know me, but you don't really know Gavi. Would he be upset if he knew I was writing about this? Is this to personal?

I guess, if you're reading this, it means I've decided to hit the Publish Post button. And if you are reading, please think of and pray for the good health and speedy recovery of my nephew, Gavi, Gavriel ben Sara, גבריאל בן שרה, and of the many ill people in need of healing.

Thanks for listening.