One of my girls is having a hard time with being here. I can't go into details because I really can't invade her privacy here on the blog. If I were anonymous I'd spill it all.
On Shabbat, I was sitting with some friends, thinking to myself, "Wow. This is okay. These women are great and I'm starting to feel about them as I feel about the women I left behind, (whom I love and miss so much). This is a good place I'm in."
But they say you can only be as happy as your saddest kid.
I'm feeling pretty sad right about now.
Still, I know that we all have our good days and our bad days. I'm entitled, and my kids are entitled. [The only one who's not entitled is Isaac.]
I just know it will be okay. My kids will get through this challenging period in their lives and come out on the other end better for it. They will be, with G-d's help, stronger women and prouder Jews.
Maybe they'll never thank me for bringing them on this journey, but I think they will understand me.
Right???
The Stuff That Lasts, Part Deux
7 years ago
9 comments:
I hope they will at least accept that this is it, this is their reality. When they get to be 18 or so, they can adjust their lives a bit.
I can understand only being as happy as your children, if one is unhappy.
Is any kind of pscyhotherapy available for your child or for you? Either can probably help.
Leora,
I don't think we need psychotherapy (well, actually, I do, but not for this). I think we need...time. For the most part the kids are doing well, it's just that some days are hard....
I don't want to make Aliyah sound like a wonderful dream that is always about singing Hatikvah and visiting the kotel. I think that anyone who has made Aliyah, will tell you that along with the joys of it, come some very difficult moments. I am trying to write an honest blog, that portrays all of it--the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Right.
Your daughter will get through this challenging time, and she will be stronger and more mature because of it.
As you've noted before, making aliyah is not an event- it's a process. It takes years to fully acclimate. You've only been in Israel a year (just a "blip" in time).
Just be as supportive of your daughter as you can.
And I do think that your kids will thank you one day for bringing them to Israel.
(BTW, why so hard on Isaac?)
Thinking of you and your daughter. Time will certainly help.
Re: therapy
I'm a proponent of "why suffer over several months when you can get a release for your emotions once a week." If it's covered by your health insurance, it might be a nice welcome to your busy life. I'm guessing your daughter's stuff is bringing up your own childhood issues and pains.
Whenever you are ready. And now I'll get off my soapbox and go back to whatever you want us to listen to.
leora, I'm big on therapy too. Baila, it doesn't have to be about dredging up childhood issues, etc. Sometimes, it's just about finding practical coping mechanisms, clearing up communication issues, finding solutions, getting a fresh perspective. I've spoken to a counselor a few times when I was going through rough patches and it really helped me get things organized in my head and feel less overwhelmed.
I think if your daughter continues to feel down in the dumps about being here, it's worth looking into. I'm the queen of asking about English speaking therapists (i've done it a few times for friends who feel shy about asking), so I'm happy to ask for you as well.
B"H our kids were younger when we came (our oldest was only going into first grade), and so although they're familiar with all the stories, they don't really remember how hard it was for them. But my husband and I DO remember how challenging it was, and we also remember how guilty we felt that our aliyah meant that our kids had to endure some rough patches. Of course, now that the same oldest child recently received his tzav rishon, some of that guilt has started to return...
Moadim L'Simchah.
G-d willing, they'll all thank you. Try coaching, to deal with specific issues, not therapy.
I did a coaching course and I really think it's best for the healthy. Of course, I don't know what the problem is.
The teenage years are hard in and of themselves; making aliyah is hard in and of itself. The two together are an incredible challenge.
I wish your daughter the strength to get through the hardest parts, because no doubt, they ARE hard. Also, for the most part, temporary, and sometimes it does help to remember that.
But sometimes, it's just hard, being stuck in the here and now...My best to her.
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