[In the unlikely event that any of you have a Hebrew blog, would you please translate this so that this can be disseminated among the Hebrew-speaking-only population. Because I honestly don't think they know this.]
These are the basic tenets:
1. Lap Lanes: thus named, because they are reserved for, well, people doing LAPS.
["Doing laps" means that the swimmer will be swimming back and forth across the length of the pool. He or she will do this 5, 10, 50 or 200 times. The swimmer may use a variety of strokes or may just do one stroke. But he or she will go back-and-forth, back-and-forth until said swimmer decides it is enough and stops. Of course it's dull, what did you think exercise was, a walk in the park?]
2. The LAP LANES ARE RESERVED FOR PEOPLE DOING LAPS. [Oh, did I already say that?] It is not reserved for people wanting to stand against the wall. Like the lady today standing by the far wall, so I had to move slightly from the right to the left where the swimmer in the other lane kicked me so hard she would have broken a rib had I not been so well padded. Or the man who stands at the far end of the lane with his white belly protruding so far out that every time I get to the end of the lane I have an irresistible urge to poke my finger in his fleshy dough-like belly, just like that Pillsbury Doughboy Commercial.
GET OUT OF THE LANES, PEOPLE. There is plenty of other pool wall space for you to hang around in. Or better yet, visit the cafe.
3. When you are doing laps you always stay to the right, and in this way you go round and round, always staying to the right. This avoids crashes and more rib-kicks.
4. I don't mind sharing the lanes with kids, but they have to be swimming, not playing Marco Polo. If you're a parent who frequents a pool, can you remind the kids that the LAP LANES ARE RESERVED FOR THE PEOPLE DOING LAPS. If you don't know what "doing laps" means, see #1.
Feel free to post this notice at all public and private pools, and to translate to Hebrew, Russian, Spanish, French, Arabic etc. I promise not to sue for plagiarism.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programing.
Haveil Havalim #172 is up at Daled Amos. You can read it even if you're young.
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