I haven't written much this past week, I guess because I'm trying to keep this blog positive...and I've been feeling a bit down. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it, to figure out what's going on. I think it may be a combination of a few things:
1. I know he's only been looking for three weeks, but I really, really want Isaac to be working. I feel like I can't establish any kind of routine without him giving me a cheery "good-bye!" in the morning.
2. Orli came home with nits.
3. Ozzy came home with fleas.
4. I did this for the second time.
5. The kid's ulpan schedule is yet again being revamped. And the ulpana (Liat's school) never calls me back.
6. I'm bored.
7. I miss my American routine so much. And my friends. There. I said it. It's out in the open. Maybe I'll feel better now.
Okay, so now I'll try to analyze all of this:
1. The job: He has interviews, and is working hard at following up on all his leads. I know it will happen soon, I just want it now.
2. Nits and lice are a fact of life here in Israel. And it's so much easier to deal with here than in the states. I've been combing her (and her sisters) daily and so far so good. Really not a big deal. But it is gross.
3. Poor Ozzy. But apparently the fleas are gone after one treatment. (And Ozzy is much more cooperative than Orli when it comes to picking the critters out--I know its totally disgusting) We met a really nice-looking vet who was very reassuring (and his office was much nicer and cleaner than ol' Dr. Woof's in Cedarhurst).
4. I've accepted that I'm a complete flake.
5. In spite of the annoying issues regarding ulpan (I won't bore you all with the details), my kids are doing okay. Socially, they are making friends. They smile and laugh a lot. Even Liat, my teenager. I would say more, but I'm into the Ayin Hora thing. Suffice it to say that my kids are doing well, and while the academic portion is extremely frustrating to me, they are happy.
6. I think this relates to the fact that I haven't been working since April. I'm busy running back and forth for the kids, and they get home much earlier here than they would have in the states. But there is down time. It's to soon to think about working. The kids are still not settled in their schools. I'm doing a lot of carpooling and math tutoring with them, and feel the need to be close to home. My Hebrew is okay, but do I dare go on an interview? I think I'd like to find something that I can do for a couple of hours a week, in an office where I can be social (and work, of course), maybe something simple like data entry or something. I don't know. I'll have to deal with this issue sooner or later. I don't quite know what I want to do over here. This is an area that I definitely need to explore.
7. This is the crux of things I guess. And I know it will take time. But I feel very shaky, like its all I can do to keep from crying. And maybe I need to allow myself that....
So that's it, I guess. When I was in America my heart was here. Now I'm here, is my heart in America? Will I always be torn? Or is it just a temporary thing?
The Stuff that Lasts
1 day ago